Babes,

Am feeling nostalgic again all of a sudden. Wala lang, I just read some of your emails again. Hanggang ngayon, kinikilig pa din ako. Nakakatawa noh? Haaay… we were so in love with each other then. May mga promises din tayo sa isa’t-isa pero hindi natin tinupad lahat yon. Sometimes I still wonder what really went wrong. Hindi kasi masyadong malinaw yung dahilan or am I just softening the blow for me? Siguro nga its the latter.

I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone as sweet and thoughtful as you. Maswerte yung babaeng pakakasalan mo. I just hope she knows that. Nakakalungkot nga lang na hindi ako iyon but as long as you are truly happy, masaya na din ako.

Ah, alam ko na bakit naiisip na naman kita. Baka nga pala magkita kami ng kuya at ate mo. Gusto kong umiwas kasi ayokong makita pa kung ano yung nawala sa akin. I am almost over you and I don’t want to be reminded of you. Kaya lang sadya yatang ayaw tayong paghiwalayin ng tadhana ng ganon-ganon na lang. Ayoko nang mag-isip kung bakit, basta I’ll just take things as they come.

I guess what I’m really trying to say is that I miss you. I may have forgotten for a while but I still do. Baka nga ikaw ang greatest love ko! Yikes! May ganon ba? If only we could really be friends pero mas mahirap yata iyong ganon.

Miss talaga kita. I would give anything to turn back the time. I really wish I could so that I can hug you and hear you say you love me one more time.

Always,

Nikki

I see you everyday and my heart continues to break a little each time. You are so near yet I couldn’t reach you. Will the pain ever go away? I know you didn’t make any promises and I didn’t either but still… I shouldn’t have allowed myself to hope, to dream, to wish.

You know what’s killing me? The questions going through my mind! I do not have a single answer to every question nor even a clue what the answers might be. I simply do not know what happened.  Is it too much to ask what went wrong?

I let you in the deepest recesses of my heart but you still broke it. I let you in almost every corner of my mind but you still couldn’t understand. Should I just accept defeat?

Someday soon, I will start to pick up the little pieces but for now, let me grieve…

Dear Friend,

Miss na talaga kita! Nasanay na ako na ikaw ang taga gising ko sa umaga at taga-hele ko sa gabi. Parang hindi kumpleto ang araw ko kung hindi ko nakikita ang pangalan mo sa inbox ng cellphone ko. Alam kong may mga dahilan kung bakit nawawala ka minsan. Alam ko ding wala akong karapatan para alamin pa kung ano iyong mga iyon. Sana lang minsan maalala mo din ako. O baka naman hindi ko schedule ngayon?

Sa isang banda, tama din naman ito. Dapat hindi ako masanay na nandyan ka. Masyado ka kasing sweet, baka mahulog ang loob ko sa’yo. Hindi pa nga ba? Hindi ko alam kung sadyang ganyan ka talaga o sa akin ka lang ganyan. Hindi ko din alam kung ano ang papaniwalaan ko. Kailangan kong maging maingat. Ayokong dumating ang araw na kailangan akong mamili at natatakot akong baka hindi ikaw ang piliin ko.

Miss na kita! Mag-text ka naman please!

Nikki

Why can’t things stay as they are? Everything around me is changing. I feel like I’m standing on the side of a railroad track and everything around me is passing me by. Everything is changing except me. Everyone is going somewhere and I am left alone, rooted to the spot.

Even my relationships are changing. Sometimes I wish I could stay in an isolated island forever. Far from people who can leave me with deep wounds and scars. In isolation, there can be no rejection, no resentment. In isolation, I can at least protect my heart.

I want to start fresh – remain anonymous in a sea of new faces.  I want to go where nobody would expect me to always be there. I want to go some place where I only have myself to depend on. I want to get back the parts of myself that I gave away and lost. I want to search for the person I can truly become. I want to recharge after draining and milking myself dry for other people. For once, I want to take charge of my life!

The Serenity Prayer: 

God, grant me the serenity to  accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can, and

the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

enjoying one moment at a time;

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.

Taking as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.

Trusting that He will make all things right, if I surrender to His will.

That I may be reasonably happy in this life,

and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Lord, I know sometimes my faith in you falters

I forget to look beyond what is there.

Failing to realize that you are always there for me

For that, I am sorry.

For all the times that I have forgotten,

Thank you so much for everything.

Thank you for my wonderful family and friends.

Thank you for our good health and continuous spiritual and material wealth.

And I especially thank you for always reminding me that there is a sunshine after the rain!